In the date of 25/3/08 Me,my sister, Nadia, and Mandy went to Jungle in Bogor also with Nadia’s and Mandy’s mom, and my uncle Budi and Aunty Sisil. We went there with two cars. When we arrived we first borrowed a four big bans, then we rode the long slide. there are two kinds of slide the first that we rode is the one with the cave then the one not with the cave. After we rode the slides we went to lazy river for a rest after we climed all the stairs. Then we played mermaids in kidspool. We had much fun on Jungle. Then we watched 4 D movies called Fly me to the moon and Jetpack advanture. It was very great watching the 4 D movie. I really want to watch the 4 D movie again.
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On the date of the 25 of March, me, my sister, Nadia, and Mandy all went to the 'Jungle' in Bogor. We also went with Nadia’s mom, Mandy’s mom, my uncle Budi and Aunty Sisil.
We went there with two cars. When we arrived, we first borrowed a four big inner tubes and then we rode the long slide. There are two kinds of slides. The first that we rode was the one with the cave. Then we rode the one without the cave.
After we rode the slides we went to the lazy river for a rest, after we climbed all the stairs. Then we played mermaids in the kids pool. We had much fun at the Jungle.
Then we watched some 4D movies called 'Fly Me to the Moon' and 'Jetpack Adventure'. It was very great watching the 4D movies. I really wanted to watch the 4D movie again.
Hi Carol,
You have written a good story but you need to be more careful with your grammar. I have copied and pasted your corrected story here for you to see. You score is 6.5/10
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